Upon a personal note #1

Thank you each follower is special to me and you and I do not know if you realise just how special you are. As many people will know it is all to often assumed that food and mood is hand in hand this is something I never realised.  As my friends said it is a stupid moment as I am usually for me to not realise something.  I have always battled eating problems throughout my life from throwing food away through eating too much until I was sick, I have never held myself in high esteem and certainly lacking in confidence this came from my mother constant belittling and other insults that they could come up with. so this is something I am surprised I have done let alone publishing books and working on new books.   A few weeks ago I lost my facebook page someone reported me as a fake account even though it was attached to my author page and blog pages and as I do not hold photo Identification as I see this as a breach of my human right to privacy I refuse to have it, therefore, had to recreate the account with the complication of losing everything. It is stupid to think that there are people out there who will do that to someone just for kicks but then again having glass jars thrown at my house is teenagers having fun.  What will it take for the cops to react? a fire bomb at the door ??  NO! we had that and we had windows smashed and guess what they did not do anything to the culprit.  I can safely say this has all impacted my mood which has been rock bottom and my head to clouded to write anything for a while, but I am happy to say that I am on my way back to the front after making a few decisions. I have suffered what I think of mini breakdowns but a friend has talked me through the darkest times of my life, a time when not only am I seeing myself as useless and pathetic, stupid and undeserving to breathe the same air as you all and sometimes the feeling of being persecuted during the time of anti-social behaviour was heightened.  I never gave the fact that food played a part in my health, but it is one thing many do not know about me is mental health is a side effect of the chemicals in the food and drink that I have. Water contains several chemicals that are known to contribute to depression, as well as many mental health conditions yet, are used to clean the water.    The chemicals in the tap water affects my mood to a point, I opt to drink very little which has an effect of dehydration which is why I am currently in the process of filtering the water four or five times prior to boiling it three times before making the drink and soon will be moving to bottled water I am hoping that I can find some wholesaler or organic independent firm that deals with organic bottled water,   The other changes I am aiming at are all to do with food again chemicals which have been known to affect not just mental health but physical as well, Are often found in food and used to prepare or treat food prior to being sold to mass corporations. I won’t say that I fully understand everything but I know enough to know that the chemicals used by the food industry are not as healthy as the corporations expect.  For over a year I have managed to force myself to eat a sandwich due to the taste and the texture of the food was wrong yet to my friends who are not like me they say food is fine and the water is good for the town we live in.   But recently having been told again I am in the risk of being ill and my immune system is crashing my best friend and I have decided to look around at fish mongers or fishermen as fish was a meal I used to love and try to buy from them surely fresh caught would be better.  So recently I looked around at the fishmongers down in Cornwall and made enquiries into local farmed organic vegetables which have not been treated with harmful chemicals and not GMO associated.   As well as this, I made enquiries into my favourite thing to eat and deliveries into the products, and this is the Cornish Pasty I used to be able to eat passes till the cows came home along with pork scratchings.   So having identified a few independent firms such as P J Tonkin & co Fresh Cornish Fish who is based in Cornwall for fresh fish and Philps Pastie company which is apparently the best in Cornwall for Cornish Pasties, and meat is something that is up to a discussion between me and the person who is doing this with me.  I will be writing a blog about this at a later date as we are aiming to be purchasing cornish pasties later this week.    It is a shame we have to do this but for someone like me who has deeply rooted reasons not to trust large corporations and someone who would prefer to support the independent firms sometimes, we have to look further afield.


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